Facebook Vs. Myspace: Which Is Creepier Over The Internet?

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There’s a lot of arguments on the Internet as to whether the mammoth, universally accessible MySpace is better than the small but incredibly functional Facebook for social networking. However, there’s a much better argument ready to be waged–which one is creepier.

Stalkability

Ask anyone who’s ever taken a shot at a president to impress Jodie Foster, and they’ll tell you that it’s important to be able to get lots of information about a person’s likes, dislikes, relationships, political views, address, when they’re online and where they’re going to be every minute of the fucking day. Facebook’s “News Feed” has got the market pretty much wrapped up in this category, since its endless information gathering borders on census-degree intrusiveness and its members happily offer up information that stalkers can use to camp outside of a house, wait for their victim’s favorite TV show to begin (How I Met Your Mother, yeah, we know) and sneak in the back door to pummel them to death with that bobblehead of Roger Clemens that the poor bastards love so much.

On MySpace, yeah, you can figure out a town, but the site doesn’t ask a whole lot at sign-up. Maybe it’s because the makers of MySpace foresaw the possible dangers of posting a massive amount of private information on the Internet. Maybe it’s because their third-rate web programmers can’t figure out how to type anything other than, “DURRRRRRR”.

Winner: Facebook

Ability To Express Creepiness

On the other hand, there’s more raw creative potential for users of MySpace to express the absolutely bone-chilling extent of their fascination of Fallout Boy. Whereas Facebook users are limited to a bland, relatively sane blue-text-on-white-background motif, MySpace users have the full ability to go absolutely bat-shit insane. Myspace users use shades of neon that would make a colorblind person go into an epileptic fit; they make things blink, scream, and maybe even bleed. The extent of MySpace’s potential creepiness expression is infinite.

Winner: MySpace

Ability To Stay Anonymous

C’mon–MySpace would not be the choice of pedophiles everywhere if you could trace its users easily. All you need is an email account and you’ve got license to engage in any string of depraved behavior you want on MySpace, fully aware that if someone wants to find your real address, they’ll have to get through your annoying ass profile page first. Facebook puts your address right smack dab on the front page–and even if you don’t put it in, they’ll at minimum have your official college email address, traceable to everything you’ve ever done. Contest over.

Winner: Myspace

So, the overall winner is the site that brought child predators into the 21st century, the site that has led to more creepy arrests than a full FBI investigation of Michael Jackson’s ranch. Congratulations, MySpace: you’re officially the worst thing to happen to America in the last ten years. With the winner quality, there will be instant likes on the photos and videos of the person. The quality of the images should be excellent and purchasing of likes should be under the budget.